Train heading south…

I arrived in Delhi early morning on Monday 5^th March. Of those with placements outside the capital, I was the last to leave via New Delhi’s railway station, departing at 4.30pm on Thursday 29^th March, having completed my In-Country Training programme through VSO. Although, my departure nearly did not happen!

I was in the VSO main office in Delhi for lunch prior to departure, when the staff checked my train reservation online. Although the train service throughout India is excellent, it, like many other things, is complicated and never straight forward! The basics are: You book; are assigned a seat or bunk (it is VSO policy to book bunks for long journeys); and then confirmation – depending on how busy the train and route is – depends on if you get the reservation you requested.

Then the complication starts! You may get upgraded or down-graded if your request is not available, but the train company reserve 10% of seats for ‘transfer reasons’ (which can be purchased the day before, if not sold, at short notice). So, if you go online and you are confirmed with a place, but no allocation, that means your rear-end is on the train, but it may be one cheek only!

Yes, you guessed it! That is exactly what happened to me! Half-assed yet again! It follows me around! Abby argues that it is just me…

Having the knowledge, through VSO, that my journey was 28 hours long, I was left with the possibility of a seat only, whilst having to also manage my luggage throughout the journey. So, I agreed to take a seat, only if they paid to put my luggage in secure storage within the train. Agreed!

We headed off to the station, got to the carriage and ‘bunk’ – which was not fully confirmed for me – to find a young female sitting in the bunk/seat. The Father of said female, eventually agreed to swap bunks around, so we (me and the father) would share the bunk below together, and, yes, it was Bangladesh cooks in my head all over again! And he (the father) worked for the Government in Kolkata!

Standing there with luggage, sweating, slightly miffed, VSO wanted to pull the plug on my travel that day, wait the weekend and arrange travel for next again week. Bearing-in-mind most train tickets are booked 3 months in advance; I was in no position to be guaranteed a better situation in the immediate future. So, me being me, I thought: ‘I can sleep on the floor if I have to, as long as father-dood doesn’t make these strange man-Indian noises.’ So, off I went, much to Mhanmhad’s (VSO staff member) honest demand to refuse me to go!

On the train, I was showered with snacks every hour on the hour until 10pm, when the train master arrived in front of me demanding my ticket, passport, shoe size and any other unimportant things he wanted to make up. At which point, father-dood erupted in disgust! Although it was in Bangla, I got the jest of the following points he had made:

1. He is a foreigner, he is our guest!
2. You are incompetent, just for being in front of me!
3. I am a Government official and have a massive ego, and this nice man (foreigner) is sleeping no-where near my beautiful young daughter!
4. Upgrade this 6 foot hairy Scot, ‘cause you fed him, he farts a lot and I am not putting up with this for the rest of this journey!

To be fair, I was still getting used to the food, but I understood. So, I was promptly given a bunk! Yehaw for wind-power that is what I say!

Now in bed! Top bunk on the outside aisle; they delivered my evening meal! Now, these trains are fast, effective and extremely shaky! Attempting to eat a meal on a small plastic tray; whilst travelling like a bullet up old railtracks that the Brits built a long time ago; is not easy. Especially when the vast majority of it is vegetable, liquid (dhal), rice and packets of stuff, of which I was unsure of. But there was a small packet of ‘pickle’, which having tasted; should have been labelled ‘dynamite’!

Anyway, so after food, settled down to relax and sleep! As I now know, in parts of Asia there is no such thing as peace and quiet. There was an initial high-pitched soft wailing, which after some time I found out was the guy two bed compartments along, singing to his music on his ipod, dear knows what the song was, but I had asked if there was a doctor on board, out of concern obviously, or was going to get him to administer some form of sedative to him, and me!

Then the ‘wind’ started! (It doesn’t take a genius to work out cause and effect; that feeding spicy beans to a train load of people, can only result in one outcome.) Then the hawking (clearing of throat and spitting), which is mainly men! But this time women, children anyone that wished, joined in! It was amazing travelling in this metal tube at over 120km per hour whilst shaking, farting, spitting and hawking! There being no other way out, I handed myself into the arms of insanity, lay back and joined in!

There was a cloud there, quite literally – a blue haze to be succinct, but the silver lining was brilliant. I was woken, when I say woken, a man came up to me, prodded me, and put a cup of tea in my hand, but he did say Shoobah Shokhal! Good morning! Morning had indeed broken!, and, I was waiting for some low paid confused looking Indian to come along and fix it…

After my cup of tea, came breakfast. I was privileged to get the vegetarian option. Well, when I say privileged! It mean it wasn’t rice, meat, oil and a bad trip to the toilet 30 seconds after consumption. It was 2 slices of brown bread, jam and another cup of tea! Now my stomach shouted WHAT?!* – and my rear-end quite literally sighed in relief, if you catch the drift! J

After breakfast the young lad who had been running around non-stop for most of the trip at this point came to me with hand out and said ‘TIP!’ My internal response was ‘I’ll tip you, ya wee cheeky git!’ Then he said ‘end! goodbye!’ I thought, 1. The train isn’t that bad! And: 2. You don’t look that ill!

I then said ‘Time arrive Kolkata Bhai?” Bhai, meaning brother! He said ‘10 o’clock!’ ‘How long?’ I retorted, to which he responded: ‘20 minutes!’ Remember I thought I was on my metal tubular fun fare for another 12 hours! But, no! 20 minutes. I gave him 20 rupee, to which he thanked me warmly, and I took off like a maniac and ran up the full length of the train shouting yipee, ya dancer!

The security services on Indian trains are very amenable to bribes and very understanding of the stress that foreign volunteers are under in India. So, I got off the train realising I was 10 hours early and SANCHAR staff, my placement organisation, would not know I had arrived, and with no mobile sim-card for India, as advised, I realised a different set of adventures now ensued. Or, to be clear, had forced themselves upon me. I can hear Abby saying: ‘Told you! It is you! It follows you everywhere!

But on the platform, I realised firstly – It was hot! Significantly hotter than Delhi! I seriously thought I was melting – but then a young lad offered to lend me his cell phone to call VSO, so that they could contact SANCHAR to come and collect me!

One hour later, having lost half a stone of weight in the raw sun and heat! The driver arrived! Off in the organisation’s car, which had AC; I was hugging the dashboard and dribbling on the floor; we stopped for water, picked up the ED, Boss of Organisation, who was at a meeting near my arrival station. Then off to office! I had arrived; 38 degrees in heat and 20% humidity! I had certainly arrived in Kolkata, a short film of the ‘real’ journey has been made by me, the link is below, I hope you enjoy!

Link to film on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdM6gQUTAHc